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I kinda left you hanging the other day, Peanut…
I called the centre in Camden to say that i’d have to decline the post, cos it was 0.45FTE and someone had clearly fucked the dog (who knows, it may have been me). I said, i’m really sorry and I wished them luck. I got a call soon after to say “Please don’t decline yet, we’re looking at options”. Eyebrows in raised mode, I followed the caller’s instructions. Turns out that I didn’t just impress them at my interview, I blew them away; they really want me, and are willing to make the post a full time position. For the first time in ages, I feel wanted.
What i’m waiting on now is a confirmation that the post will now become full-time. Once I have that, i’ll be ecstatic and then the really hard work begins.
In other news, I got my car. She is an ABSOLUTE beaut! Nippy, controllable, a joy to drive, nice looker and a good colour. I love it! Getting a fancy stereo put into it next week, cos i’m an idiot who likes music! I’ve been driving it pretty much non-stop since I got it.
The exception to my driving marathon was last night, when I went to Wolves to see Rafe and Eda. Was a good night, but I was shattered. It’s been a tough week, full of tough things and tough emotions. I felt drained. We went to an Indian restuarant, wasn’t great – they laughed at my choice, but it would have been so much better. Instead we went to this place that looked fancy from the outside, but was pretty crap on the inside, and the food wasn’t fantastic at all. This morning, someone I thought I was close to kinda hit me with a low blow when she said that “I don’t know anything about her” – I know more than she thinks; but if i’m wrong about that, then it’s confirmation that i’m not really close to anything in this world. Maybe I SHOULD stay on the fringe, but i’ve been there and it’s not fun.
Anyway my life seems to be getting better; let’s hope it stays on this path.
Spk sn. Oh, and fuck all the X factor BS in the news – news is news, keep it that way.
…to be an albatross.
Ungainly on the ground, awkward, clumsy. That’s how I feel. I stumble through life, without any plans; I used to have them, you know.
Once in the air though, an albatross is among the most graceful of all birds – they can fly for hours, and they need aspire to nothing. If only I could learn to fly through life like an albatross airborne, rather than stumble through like an albatross grounded…
This video has no real relevance – I just like Corrosion of Conformity.
Fucking hate feeling like this though…
I still feel shite. But I had a moan and rant earlier to my Dad, and he listened. Didn’t really make me feel any better but it took the edge off.
I just look around and see people gliding so effortlessly through life. People in love (and someone I love in love with someone else) – what the hell is wrong with me? You ever get the feeling that the world would be better off without you? I don’t, cos that would mean that there was some significance to my existence.
How fucking emo. Makes me wanna throw up! XD
I never really caught on to the whole internet socialising thing, I only just got myself a facebook page which, though fun and addictive, is just one of a billion pages floating around in some server room on the west coast of America. This blog is not much different in that sense, it may not get many hits and I doubt it will be what you might call “groundbreaking”, which begs the question:
Why have a blog in the first place?
The ‘Blogosphere’, as it’s known by some people who can’t help but put a label on just about anything for fear of losing the concept of what that thing might actually be, is full of musings and diatribes, rants and reviews and, i’ve found, a lot of videos and pictures of deformaties. Most of them are about minor goings on in someone’s life, and in some ways it is a kind of catharsis or a way of purging oneself of their daily routine and mentioning it in a place that is their own, dedicated to and controlled by them.
Psychoanalysts, be they Reikian, Freudian or Jungian sit and listen to your problems before coming up with an explanation you’re unlikely to understand, and this is not helpful for many people. However, just talking through your problems with someone can help. I don’t subscribe to the notion that “A problem shared is a problem halved”, in fact the opposite is often true. Still, it helps to get it off your chest sometimes. This blog is going to be my therapy for life and, at the moment, the prognosis is good. What’s more, I don’t have to pay vast sums of money to some guy in an Armani suit in order for him to doodle on a pad for an hour before telling me that my problems stem from me wanting to kill or do something inappropriate with a member of my own family, which in itself is completely barmy.
Oedipal misconceptions aside, now that I know what I want this blog to be about (which is no different from any other blog, really) I had to think of a name for it. This is turning into one big hassle:
Problem of the Day #1: What do I call my blog?
After about 20 minutes of intense thought in between digestive biscuits dunked in coffee (something that takes all my concentration, thanks to clumsy shelf stackers), I decided I couldn’t actually be bothered to come up with anything smart, sophisticated or witty. So I decided on ‘Thought Overflow’, since that’s pretty much what this blog is going to be.
For too long now, i’ve not vented any of the things that either bother or excite me. There are a few reasons for this, the first being that i’m a naturally introverted person. The second reason is that, even if I wanted to vent, i’m not exactly in the right environment. My housemates, though quite cool, are not exactly bearers of good advice, nor are they especially good listeners. One would probably stop me mid-sentence to have a bong or a joint, before imparting completely irrelevant advice on a different subject through a haze of smoke. The other would probably stop me mid-sentence before disappearing, not to be seen for the next 3 days. Although my best mate is quite intelligent and listens, we rarely share things of a personal nature due to our equally reserved characters.
So this blog is writing for writing’s sake, not necessarily to be read or understood, but just to be written. If it helps, then great – if not, then “Oh well, whatever”. Why didn’t I just buy a diary? Cos it’s one thing extra to lose, or be found and read by by people who I don’t want reading. At least here I can password my posts if I want.
Anyway, for an introduction this is far too long. But i’m not going back to edit it, because this blog is my thoughts overflowing and poured straight onto the page. If you fell asleep halfway through, then thanks for the visit. If you made it this far then I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
